Words from the heart

When I began learning The Game with Miss Merrilee I had no idea what I was getting myself into, or what I’d be responsible for by sticking with it. The usual challenges that occur in a relationship with a friend of the opposite sex and navigating emotions, expectations, assumptions, and ego were all present in the beginning, but I saw something I wanted more than just another failed date.

By acknowledging a difference and just being determined year after year that no matter how humiliated I would feel getting something wrong in what she was teaching me, I would continue… somehow I’m still able to write about what I’ve learned… four years later… but my life looks a lot different now.

I had the presence of mind to accept that everyone has to earn respect by being worthy of respect… and that means having character. Having character is usually something we only address when it comes to people we’re dating or interested in dating… but as a parent… how often do we think of trying to earn the respect of our children? A ten year old is a little more cautious in showing whether or not they respect you than a teenager is… and I’ve heard more than my fair share of parents talk about how much their children don’t respect them… 

So imagine my surprise when I came to know a mother of four who is celebrated by all four of her children and a grandchild besides. How did she manage that? I wondered… and as I’ve watched her friends come and go… and her potential suitors come and go… I’ve witnessed many times that she carries herself in a way that I really wanted and still want for myself… and it became a sole mission to try every way and every day to get a little closer to that… 

The Game offered an opportunity for me to take what I’ve witnessed in four years, and have some structure to applying it in practical terms… and one of the scariest moments I can remember was when.. Midway through preparing for it.. She suggested that maybe she wouldn’t present it for everyone to learn from. To me that was like Superman saying maybe he wouldn’t feel like stopping Lex Luthor from taking over the world… 

How in the world would anyone be able to learn without it?

So I was really glad when she released The Game, and at least gave the world a chance to embrace it and take it seriously… 

And because I took it seriously…. I was able to ask my children if they want to have the kind of relationship with their dad where we talk openly about things and trust each other…. My ten year old son and I had a conversation about respect and what it means to share it… to earn it.. And how we can show that we love each other by choosing our words when we’re frustrated or upset the same way we choose our words when we’re happy and grateful and they all need to be loving. 

It’s wild how these are some of the things we just never think about… how to show the people we want to appreciate how much we appreciate them… that we care for them and want them to stick around… and that we won’t do anything to hurt them. 

I’m very thankful for what’s been taught and even more excited for all the new ways I can apply what I’ve learned, and explore new ways to show the people around me how fun it can be to be loving. My circle of friends has changed to include people who respect themselves infuse positivity where they can, and I’m very thankful for that too. 

If the only gift I’d been given through our friendship was a new way to set a standard that, even that would be quite an amazing and lifelong gift… but as it stands… I’ve been given much more than that.

I think everyone starts out in this life wanting to be respected… and appreciated… and Miss Merrilee has found a practical way to show everyone how to do it. 

Thank You just doesn’t seem like enough...